the master chronicals
by skittleAcullen
Summary: " In my defense" jack started " a store named target is just asking for trouble" join the doctor the master and various others in this fun story slightly PWP at times. ill keep switching between ten and eleven but the master will always be simm
1. pizza hut

**me: alright i understand that u all hate me right now but we had this suicide scare in the group and the story will be put on hold a bit longer **

**naruto: but this shall amuse you for the time being**

**emmett: its just a series of one shots involving the master**

**me ~FAN GIRL MEHA SCREAM~ JON SIMM I LOVE YOU!**

**everyone: ~ wtf?~**

**me: um sorry carry on**

**naruto: well enjoy **

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The master and the doctor walked onto to the T.A.R.D.I.S to find a dead body.

"Oi master who is this?" the doctor asked the master looked shocked that the doctor would assume it was him.

" I didn't do it, it could have been Amy" he said arms crossed.

The doctor raised his eyebrows.

" What I haven't killed anyone since..."

" Yesterday?" the doctor said.

" It wasn't me!" the master insisted.

" Well at least take a look at him maybe you know him" the doctor suggested the master walked over to the man and walked up and down beside him.

" Hey I know him I ate his son!" the master exclaimed.

" You WHAT!" the doctor asked eyes wide.

" Well I was at pizza hut today" the master started.

" I know master I was there when you blew it up," the doctor said.

" Yah anyway I went to grab the last piece of pepperoni but this fat kid grabbed it" he said scrunching up his nose in distaste " so I ate the fat kid and his dad got all huffy about it."

" Well obviously" the doctor interrupted " what I want to know is did you kill this man?" the doctor asked.

" Well… I didn't mean to" the master confessed managing to look sheepish the doctor sunk to the ground and put his head in his hands.

" What did you do?" he asked through his hands.

' Well after I spit up his kid we went outside to talk and he started to make a pass at me so I told him I wasn't gay-"

" HA" Amy laughed out loud coming from the back of the T.A.R.D.I.S. "the sounds I heard last night beg to differ master" Amy said going to sit next to the doctor.

" Hey isn't this the bloke that…."

" Shhhhhhh" the master said, " I wanna tell the doctor!"

" You know about this pond?" the doctor asked head still in his hands.

" Of course I did go on master finish the story" Amy said.

" Well he didn't believe it he sent his kid inside and tried to rape me so I pulled out the screw driver and soniced him but. Well it was aimed at his ….mr happy then I soniced it and mr happy wasn't so happy anymore" the master finished the doctor looked up and could tell that was all he was gonna get out of the master he looked at Amy in confusion.

" It blew up," she said.

" Yup" the master said " and I can do that because…" just then the T.A.R.D.I.S. started to play like a boss by the lonely island and Amy and the master and started.

To dance around and sing to the song the doctor got up to bring the dead body and throw it out the T.A.R.D.I.S while he was walking with the body he said " I really need some new friends.

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**me: ik know its short but i have a much better much funnier one com**

**naruto: there better be**

**emmett: hes just grumpy cus sasuke ravished me and not him the other day**

**naruto~ flying ninja leep~**

**~ fighting sounds~**

**me: u honostly dont wanna know but if you do its on my story " i love you not really" its n the little extra end part **

**sasuke : review please**


	2. jacks room

**me: yah im so happy i already got a favorite story and fav author from someone but no comments yet but thats ok as long as ppl read and enjoy this one is ten and the master**

**master: allons-y!**

**doctor:~pout~ thats my line**

**me: you can has a disclamiar **

**doctor: she owns nothing but the plot **

**master: if u could call it a plot **

**me : ~ sticks toungh out ~ ALLONS-Y ALREADY!**

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The doctor and the master ran onto the TARDIS and shut the door behind them. The master was screaming at the doctor to get them " the hell out of here" and the doctor was tripping over the shaking TARDIS to get to the controls.

" Allons-y!" he yelled out flipping the switch the TARDIS started to make the whoosh sound that means that they were moving then all was calm. The Doctor was trying to avoid the Masters glare and was successful for all of 30 seconds

" Well… that was fun," the doctor said

" Fun?" the master asked one eyebrow raised " it was fun we were nearly killed!"

" Oh it wasn't that bad"

" The village people left us a souvenir" the master said opening the door and pulling a pitchfork from the TARDIS one eyebrow raised.

The doctor looked down.

" What did you say doctor it was a " beautiful planet nepta 6 much better than all the other neptas completely uninhibited snow as far as the eye can see" and what do I get a village full of farmers mad because we landed on the statue of their god!" the master exclaimed getting all worked up.

" Master…" the doctor tried

" On no im not done not only that but you punched the village leader in the shoulder and called him bud! Now who does that! Only the loving playful moronic doctor, and to make maters worse you pulled out your screwdriver and used it! They thought we were witches! Gay witches at that. Who steals a banana that's just stupid!" The master grumbled seaming to have simmered down from his rant the doctor just stayed quiet there was nothing he could say that could make this better so he tinkered with the TARDIS while the master went to explore the TARDIS brushing past the doctor. All was quiet for about thirty minutes till the doctor heard a milk curdling screaming. He took off running through he TARDIS looking for his friend till he saw the master standing in front of jacks old room NOT GOOD! The doctor's brain screamed he made it to the master in time to catch him as he fell. The doctor closed his eyes and shut jacks door normally he cleaned out his companions room after they left but jack was well… jack. God knows what went on in there. The doctor picked the master up and brought him to his room. The Masters room was decked out in evil room of death décor. The doctor stayed there shocked he had been in the Masters room before but he had been ehm … distracted. Now that he was actually paying attention he could see the skulls and the voodoo dolls, the vampire teeth and the flying monkeys. The doctor laid the master on the bed and waited the master woke up three minutes later.

"Wha?" was the first thing he said

" You looked into jacks room " the doctor explained " and fainted so I carried you into your room and I must say this is a lovely room of death." he said looking around.

The master started to cry " it was so scary doctor!" he said sitting up and pulling the doctor on the bed with him so he could cry in his arms. " there were so many things that shouldn't have been! They spun and glowed and shook and vibrated" the master sobbed the doctor shivered thinking anything so bad even existed " they changed color and came in all different sizes". The doctor pulled the master into his lap to hug him tighter but the master yelped and darted off the bed to stand on the edge, pure rage and grief on his face.

" How could you doctor!" the master yelled

" What!" the doctor asked trying to think of something he'd done to upset the master

" After what I saw I thought you would be all sympathy and violins but no! Your all ready to go!" he spat out. The doctor had no idea what the master was talking about so he settled for going "what" one more time.

" YOU KNOW WHAT' the master screamed and stormed out of the room when he got to the door he turned around

" And I thought I got it up to some strange things" then he stormed out the doctor looked at his pants in confusion to see there was something sticking up. He put his hand in his pocket to find the banana that he stole from the village on nepta 6.

**me: hope you guys enjoyed and i was wondering what is it with the docor and bananas ive read a lot of storys talking about the doctors love of bannanas is that from an episode of sumthing **

**maaster: its tearing her up that she dosent know something about the show some whovian you are **

**doctor : be nice master **


	3. barnes&nobels, Walmart, target!

**me: okay people some feed back would be most appricated**

**naruto: yah at least one review or sumthin**

**sasuke&emmett: pwease :3**

**edward: read and review please**

_**~enjoy~**_

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"Alright explain to me again what happened" the doctor said walking into the TARDIS with the master and jack.

" Well its simple really doctor" the master said, " Wal-mart blew up."

" Wal-mart blew up all by it self did it?" the doctor asked the master just nodded. The doctor started to respond then decided to leave it he turned to jack.

" And what's your story harkenss?"

" I have no idea what you're talking about" jack said.

" Look outside and tell me what you see" doctor said they all looked outside to look at the towering columns of smoke that used to be wal-mart and target.

" In my defense" jack started " a store named target is just asking for trouble' he said with a grin. The master started to laugh and high-five jack but they stopped when the doctor gave them the " we are not amused" looked.

" I cant believe you guys!" the doctor yelled I want your story first bub then your harkness" he pointed a finger at each.

" Well" the master started "you wanted to shop I wanted to eat all the skittles. Then this mean lady told me I needed to share my skittles" he pouted " I threw them at her and she tripped on them and hit her head."

" She died" the doctor asked

" Yup"

"And the girl stuffed in the freezer?"

" My work."

The doctor shook his head and turned to jack.

" And you what happened to target"

" Well the target had a food thingy on the inside so I went up to them and asked for a big Mac and the lady at the counter didn't want to give me one. I demanded to talk to her manager she laughed at me and then I saw she had a tail and decided to save the human race I had to blow up target." jack finished with a smile the doctor couldn't speak for a moment

" That was the ONLY way to save the human race?" he asked.

" Well you know me doc once I think of something I usually don't keep thinking." Jack shrugged. To make matters worse the master pulled out a ruler and handed it to the doctor.

" I got you a present!" the master said.

" Its red."

" Uh hu."

" And sticky."

" Yup."

" Blood?"

" Yes sir."

" What…."

" The lady in the freezer didn't have any hands" the master smirked. The doctor dropped the ruler and brushed off his hands

" Um doctor why is there a rising pillar of smoke coming from Barnes& nobles?" the doctor pulled at his collar and looked toward the TARDIS controls

" Well its time to go guys" he stated making a B line to the door to close it

" Doctor?" the master asked eyebrow raised "what did you do?"

The doctor looked down and jack went to stand beside the master.

" Well" they both said he doctor looked up to see jack and the master standing next to each other arms crossed looking at the doctor waiting for an explanation.

" Well I was in the book store and I ran into some neptations from nepta 6 in the biography section and…"

" Let me guess." the master interrupted " they remembered you a huge fight took place you got all the humans safely out. Then by some means of your own hand you saved everyone but had to sacrifice one of the best book stores in the process."

" Yah that about sums it up" the doctor says jack just shakes his head and starts to walk in the opposite direction.

" Where are you going?" the doctor called.

" To go talk to my normal friends" jack walked off leaving the two time lords alone. The doctor looks like he's going to cry from guilt of blowing up the bookstore. The master doesn't want to see him cry so he does the only thing he can think of he walks up to the doctor and gives him a big hug. The doctor is so surprised he doesn't hug him back for second but then wraps his arms around the other time lord.

" Were hugging" the doctor pointed out.

" Yes, yes we are don't get used to it"

" Well before this ends we could always go to bed and try spooning…" several hours the doctor woke up on the TARDIS floor with a black eye and a planet to save.

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**good fun right review please **


	4. bananas, OH MY!

**im back! with a new chapter wich i must let you know is a bit of crack and COMNPLETLY pwp well depening on what _your_ definition of pwp is but anyway enjoy**

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I stared at the object on the table. Trying to build up the courage to eat it. The master was sitting at the other side for support.

" You know doctor…" he started but I held up my hand.

" It has to be done I cant go through this life living in fear of this yellow demon" I said still not looking up at him

" Whatever you say" and that was the end of the conversation I stared at it, licked it, licked the table under it, weighed it in my hand, sniffed it I even drew a very complicated diagram of the specimen. My test subject was a banana. The perfect banana. A bit to perfect for me not be suspicious. It was a beautiful even shade of yellow. No brown spots or bruising which is strange because it was tossed at my head by captain jack from request of Amy.

" Sweetie you don't have to…" master tried again

" I have to do this love," I told him I've been trying to bring myself to eat this banana for the past twenty minutes. And it just wasn't working. I tried to convince myself that I was afraid of banana poisoning, but the truth was I was afraid I wouldn't like the. For my past two regenerations I had a strong love for bananas I once told rose _"always bring bananas to a party bananas are good."_ I didn't want to be a hypocrite. I tentively took up the banana and peeled it I sniffed it and smiled at least I still liked the smell. I looked at master he was looking at me he nodded his head and slowly I took a bite of the evil yellow fruit.

IN THE CONTROL ROOM

" How do you think its going?" Amy asked, " It's been like 20 minutes"

" I know" jack said " but we need to give it time and be there for him in case he doesn't like it"

" Why its just a fruit"

" Because it's the doctor he's prone to over reaction" as if to prove his point the doctor walked into the control not even looking at them with the master trailing behind him. The doctor ran to the door and threw it open he fell to his knees

" I STILL LIKE BANANAS!" He screamed it echoed off the medusa cascade and went back threw out the cosmos his friends cheered and went to hug him. And all was right in the world of course until a darlek ship appeared. Cuz the doctor just doesn't have any luck. everyone was dead quiet then the speaker went on

" Darlek kind has decided that the doctor would create worthy offspring" the group looked at each other not sure what to say

" PROCREATE! PROCREATE! PROCREATE! PROCREATE!" the yelled

" Not again" master said running with the doctor to move the TARDIS while Amy and jack threw pears at the darlek ship

" This is all your fault!" Amy yelled

" How is my fault?" the doctor yelled back

" How do you think they found us banana boy!" jack yelled back

" Shut up and THROW!" master yelled trying to fly the TARDIS, Aww just another day in paradise.

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**i know there is something seriously wrong with me but watever i was bored and i havent updated in a while so this is what you get! read and reviw please and read some of my other stories tell your friends R&R /_^**


	5. snapping turtles?

**okay i've updated i know it took a while but i was having some techicnal difficulties i think this is my longest chapter **

**doc: id like to thank her new beta Vic Taylor! i can finnaly understand what im reading**

**me: ~grumbles in corner~**

**maaster: XD allons-y R&R**

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Doctor's POV

It was a dull day in the TARDIS and we had already finished saving clom from colliding with the lost moon of Poosh. Jack was taking a nap, so we were exploring the TARDIS, and had found a dance room, an arcade and found that the swimming pool was once again in the library.

" Doc, I'm bored," the Master said.

"Me too, what do you want me to do about that?" I said. "And don't call me Doc." He must stop hanging around Jack, I thought.

The Master just smirked as he pulled me towards his room. Once I figured out where he was going my face almost spilt open with a grin.

"I have no problem with this," I said as the Master pulled me into his room, "but don't you think Jack would be mad for starting without him?" I asked. The Master just rolled his eyes.

"If it wasn't for the gutter your mind would be homeless," the Master said, searching his room for something.

"The gutter and glitter, Master, the gutter and the glitter."

"All that glitters is not gold."

"Give me a minute and I can make my gold glitter." I smirked.

"Oh well, that's just… snapping turtles!" the Master cried out.

"What kind of reply is 'snapping turtles'?" I questioned, quirking my eyebrows.

"The kind that breaks boredom," the Master said as he straightened and walked to the bathroom door, where he did a sequence of complicated knocks. When he was done the bathroom door slid up to reveal a secret room. He turned around, beckoning me over to him. I got off the bed to look in the room and my jaw dropped. The room was divided into two sides. On one side were a multitude of erm… _toys_ from all over the universe, or Jack's room; I'm not exactly sure.

"Other side, Doctor," the Master said, rolling his eyes, so I did and my jaw dropped lower. It was a multitude of prank things: whoopee cushions, fake vomit, and other things. My eyes went all around the room till I saw the fish tank all the way at the back of the room and smirked.

"Snapping turtles?"

He nodded. "Snapping turtles! But first..." And we were on our way to the bed loosing various articles of clothing and snapping turtles were the farthest thing from my mind.

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Jack's POV

I woke up from my nap stretching and blinking with a smile on my face. I sat up, looking around the room then down at myself, surprised to see I was naked underneath my sheet. I thought back to what I had dreamed about and as soon as I remembered my sheet started to rise, and I was running to the bathroom to take care of my problem. When I was close I went to stand over the toilet and was in for the surprise of a lifetime.

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Master's POV

The Doctor and I were in the kitchen getting ice cream. I was having chocolate with brownies.

"What will you be having, Doc?" I asked.

"Coffee please."

"No way!"

"Wha- why not?"

"You should be happy I'm letting you have sugar, let alone ice cream, and now you want me to give you coffee ice cream? No."

"Fine, I'll have some tuti fruity," he said, pouting, and I couldn't help but laugh at his choice.

"What?" he asked.

I snorted. "You're so gay," I laughed, punctuating it with a kiss on his pouty lips, pulling away quickly to get his ice cream. We were silent for a long time. I was half way done with my ice cream before anyone spoke.

"Do you think Jack's awake yet?" the Doctor asked.

"I think we'll know when he's awake. I think you made sure he'd be running to the bathroom," I said with a waggle of my eyebrows. The Doctor blushed crimson and started to eat his ice cream again. We ate and talked for about ten more minutes until we heard Jack's piercing scream fill the TARDIS. We looked at each other and took off toward his room. I threw open the door to his bathroom to fall next to the Doctor in hysterical laughter. Jack was standing in front of the toilet with cum dripping down the throat of my poor turtle with a look of pain and anger on his face. It literally took us twenty minutes to stop laughing. I walked over to Jack who was now staring at us with a murderous look on his face.

"Get. It. Off," was all he said and I started giggling again but I did as he said. I gave him the 'I am so sorry but this is gonna hurt look' and pulled Suzie off him.

Jack was on the floor in pain and relief, while I was probably going to die from lack of oxygen. Jack stepped over me and the Doctor mumbling the whole time.

* * *

Two weeks later

" Doctor!" I whined. "Something's wrong with Suzie!" I stuffed the turtle in his face. He rolled his eyes but took her nonetheless.

"It's okay, baby," I crooned at her. "The Doctor's going to make you feel better." After about fifteen minutes the Doctor looked at me with the biggest grin I've ever seen.

"Congrats, gramps. Suzie's pregnant!" he said. I was ecstatic for all of a second; then I remembered all my turtles were girls I looked at the doctor, but he just fell to the floor in laughter as he tried to talk.

" TARDIS" gasp, "made possible" laugh, " Jack had two weeks..." And that was all it took for me to understand.

"JACK, YOU IDIOT, YOU GOT MY TURTLE PREGANT!"


End file.
